environmental storytelling
They have nine beverages between the two of them
i have that painting ai app on my phone so i went ahead and took the liberty…
What they have are five beverages and four waters. Water, by definition, cannot be a beverage.
The fuck do you mean water cant be a beverage?
Scathach: Woman Warrior of Irish Legend
The legendary female warrior of Scathach is pretty cool. First, there’s her name, which means “the shadowy one” in Gaelic. Then there’s her castle, Dun Scaith (Castle of Shadows), reportedly sat on Isle of Skye northwest of Scotland.
Getting to Dun Scaith, and Scathach, was a complicated business. First, one had to know where Scathach lived. Her location was apparently something of a commonly-known secret. Once someone knew her location, one had to travel across the Irish Sea, known for its storms and choppy seas, and travel to the remote, craggy islands of northwest Scotland. Upon arrival, one then had to get past Scathach’s warrior daughter to get an audience with Scathach herself.
Scathach is important in Irish legends for the unique place she holds as a woman warrior who trained other women, as well as men. Her training was notoriously dangerous, teaching things like pole vaulting over castle walls and underwater fighting, but everyone agreed that if you survived Scathach’s training you were a great warrior. Scathach is also famous for having trained Cu Chulainn, who went on to become the central figure in the Ulster Cycle, part of the origin stories for Ireland itself.
In other news, it is now not only morally acceptable but the morally correct thing to do to pirate the fuck out of Adobe’s software line.
Planned Obsolescence gives way to Enforced Obsolescence
[Laughs as I boot up Clip Studio Paint, which I bought one (1) time]
Here’s a list of other programs. Keep posting till it’s widely known.
https://twitter.com/Everblue_Comic/status/1124453210297520128
Good to know these thanks man.
Today the lady behind me in line at the grocery store checkout politely tapped my shoulder and when I turned around she motioned toward my giant bundles of kale and asked: “what do you do with your kale? Do you cook with it, or make juice, or…?” And i admitted there in front of god and the world “oh I feed it to my peacocks.” And she just looked so taken aback that I said “I’m sorry that’s not the answer you were hoping for”
And that’s how I learned other people don’t really know what to do with kale either. We’re all pretty sure it’s edible, though.
People are sending me kale recipes like they honestly believe I will try to eat bird food
I’m sorry I’m hung up on the part where op owns peacocks
Purple ones:
And peahens. This one sleeps on a fluffy rainbow unicorn stuffed animal:
Her name is Artemis and she’s allergic to food.
This is Stan. His color morph is called Cameo so I named him Stan Lee:
He’s Artemis’ boyfriend.
They both love kale. I suppose someone’s got to.
OP Tell them I love them!
Are they good guard birds?
That depends on your definition of ‘guard.’
They won’t defend other birds from predators like raccoons or weasels or coyotes or anything. They’re just as likely to get eaten in those cases.
However, they will harass snakes and other small, novel animals like mice, rabbits, wild birds, etc if they can get away with it. They will also yell at anything they disapprove of including but not limited to:
- Your car
- Neighbors
- that one leaf that moved in the wind
- the wind
- deer in the woods
- a hawk overhead
- an airplane that might be a hawk overhead
- each other
- a noise they heard
- a noise they thought they heard
- sparrows
- seriously, fuck sparrows specifically, they are DISALLOWED, completely intolerable, must chase off, shake train, and/or yell about it
- that one kiwi fruit that was up to no good
- the feather that fell off their own body and scared them
- thunder (how dare the sky yell at them)
- the sun arriving
- the sun departing
- sometimes predators I guess
with his flesh abroad, he wakes. on its return, he slumbers again.
the pain of departure pulls him from his dreams, his nightmares, his vast and unspeakable visions of beyond. god bless the back of the beast, for it is all that keeps us from his terrible awareness.
this is post is definitely part of something far darker than we will ever be able to comprehend
OH YE OF LITTLE FACE
hey everybody, welcome to another amazing installment of Weird Biology and WOWIE ZOWIE do I have an odd one for you today!
this bizarre creature is among the largest of its kind, but bears hardly any resemblance to the rest of the family. (we’re sure this gets mentioned a lot at its family holiday dinners.) it has a real mouthful of a name and the spirit of a cranky old man about to whack you in the shin with his walker.
give it up for…
I’ll just give this image a moment to sink in.
(it’s also called the small-headed softshell turtle, because scientists are a bunch of mean highschoolers.)
seriously, I don’t even really know where to START with this guy. unlike the humble regular earnest hardworking turtle, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle does not have an armored shell (hence the name). instead, its shell is soft and leathery. like a pair of well-broken-in Timblerland boots, except that the boots will not bite you.
oh, he is absolutely going to bite you.
this soft pliable shell cuts down on the turtle’s weight by a huge amount, making them far more agile in the water and faster on land than a conventional everyman turtle (this should make you worried). the flattened shape of the shell also makes them more hydrodynamic, making them faster in the water than you can possibly imagine.
for a turtle, I mean.
this is an important advantage, because the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends most of its life in the water. they live on the bottoms of sandy rivers across a wide area of central and southern Asia, where they reach sizes best described as fucking huge. adults can reach up to 45 inches (shell length only) and 260 fucking pounds (whole damn turtle).
their total body length can be over a meter. fuuuuuuuuck. a turtle that size needs a LOT of shoulder room, especially because the adults are a bunch of cranky ginormous chompmonsters. (can’t really blame them, I guess. I’d be irritable too, if my head was that small)
now imagine a cheesed-off 260-pound turtle swimming towards you at Mach Fuck.
Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtles are aggressive, and will attack anything they consider a threat (including humans, fishing boats, and probably also rocks). their primary attack is to just bite the fuck out of whatever is annoying them , but their secondary move is the one to watch out for.
when terminally pissed off, the turtle extends the full length of its surprisingly long neck and delivers a literal cannon headbutt. this attack has been documented as being powerful enough to damage fishing boats. imagine what it would do to your face. (nothing good. if you see this turtle winding up, run.)
the true face of terror.
when left to its own devices, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends its time buried at the bottom of the river, waiting for its next meal to happen by. (which it can do almost indefinitely because softshell turtles can breathe underwater, holy shit.) once another animal smaller than itself passes overhead the turtle strikes, mortally wounding the prey with its nightmare bite (no joke, the first strike usually kills instantly. this is a creature capable of taking a chunk out of your leg). it’s a pretty solid gig, if you’re a lonely grumpmonster.
beats pumping gas all day, I guess.
in fact, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends so much of its life underwater that we… don’t really know all that much about it. apart from the biting thing, I mean. the turtle has been very clear on that.
we’re not even entirely sure how long they live, though captive turtles have made it more than 70 grouchy, grouchy years. locals in India claim that in the wild individual river bastards can stick around for up to 140 years, which I am inclined to believe because these people fish for a living and they have to remember where the boat-sinking nightmare turtles live.
it’s only common sense.
despite its wide range, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle is now considered Endangered. (note: this is not allowed. what would we replace them with? large cantankerous frogs? big passive-aggressive catfish? I DON’T THINK SO.)
this is primarily due to human hunting, as the turtles are consumed in huge number throughout Asia. (humans will eat anything.)
the government of India has now moved to protect the turtle, restricting trade and moving to conserve the species. we dearly hope this will be enough to save the grumpy frumpy river grandpa.
please stay with us forever, Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle. we love your tiny tiny face and terrible attitude.
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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.
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IMAGE SOURCES
img1- Wikimedia Commons img2- conservationindia.org img3-zoosrcool.wordpress.com img4- Joel Sartore img5- Turtle Survival Alliance img6- Turtle Survival Alliance img7- The TeCake img8- Joel Sartore
Marvel Movies ranked by if there are trains in them
Iron Man- 0/10. No trains.
The Incredible Hulk- 1/10. No trains, but a verbal reference to the subway.
Iron Man 2- -100/10. No trains, negative 100 points for a cameo by train-hater Elon Musk
Thor- 0/10. No trains in space :(
Captain America: The First Avenger- 7/10. Cool train heist scene, and monorails go by at the World’s Fair
The Avengers- 3/10. A freight train goes by at the beginning. Cap tells the police to get people into the subway, giving hope for more train content that goes unfulfilled. The only scene of Cap riding the subway was deleted.
Iron Man 3- 0/10. No trains.
Thor: The Dark World- 10/10 THOR RIDES THE TRAIN
Captain America: The Winter Soldier- 0/10. No trains.
Guardians of the Galaxy- 0/10. Still no trains in space :(
Avengers: Age of Ultron- 6/10. Okay action scene involving stopping a train.
Ant-Man- 9/10. Fight scene involving Thomas the Tank Engine!!!!
Captain America: Civil War- 1/10. Cap and Sharon meet next to high-speed rail tracks but no trains go by.
Doctor Strange- 6/10. Subways go flying by in the mirror dimension!
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2- 0/10. Still no trains in space :(
Spiderman: Homecoming- 10/10! Peter “Numtot” Parker rides on the train several times and also crashes a car for good measure
Thor: Ragnarok: 0/10. Someone better get some trains in space real soon
Black Panther: 7/10. Cool Wakandan tram goes down the street, and the finale involves a vibranium train!
Avengers: Infinity War: 6/10. Cap emerges from behind a moving train!!
Ant-Man and the Wasp: 0/10. No trains.
Captain Marvel: 11/10 THERE ARE TRAINS IN SPACE!!! TRAINS IN SPACE!!! THERE ARE FINALLY TRAINS IN SPACE!!!! also she rides a train on earth too!!! Carol Danvers: queen of public transportation and my heart
Avengers: Endgame: 0/10. No trains.
Magical encounter while free falling.
Can you imagine being that bird? You see a big falling dot off in the distance, so you go to investigate. And it’s a human. Just, like, hanging out, in the middle of the sky. Plumbing toward earth at terminal velocity.
“Huh, that’s weird” you think to yourself.
You land on them. They seem nonplussed by their predicament.
But you’re a busy bird, you’ve got places to be. So you just fly off. Good luck, crazy human. Hope you make it.
He’s gonna be a mighty king and he’s working on that roar.
Oh my GOOOOOD
I’d have fallen over in respect
